Updated: Dec 6, 2019
So these past couple of weeks has been crazy busy, between running home, waiting to hear about a job back home for this summer, and class midterms but prevailed through it all with the help of some very important people.
This week I realized something that most girls don't realize until they get a little older. You're parents, NO MATTER WHAT, will always be there to lend a hand...or opinion!
I've had some ups and downs these past months and for some reason I was honestly so scared to tell my parents about my hard times. I thought in some way I'm disappointing them, like I was afraid to fail and admit it.
With that being said I've realized if your parents are anything like mine they won't be disappointed they'll want to help you, be there for you, and do what ever they can for you to know this.
My mom and I are very close she's been my rock, my encourager, and my best friend as I've grown up. God knew I needed her as my mom. She's the strongest person I know, she has been through a lot and she has come out even stronger because of it. As I grew up I watched her and wanted to be strong like her, not really understanding what that meant in that moment.
When I was a sophomore in high school, you know when you can start to drive and start figuring out who you are, well something horrible happened my boyfriend at the time broke up with me for my best friend, I know right horrible, worst thing that could ever happen. Nope, then all my friends vanished except for one.
Well what I thought was being strong then was not saying anything to anyone, keeping all that anger inside, no where for it to go.
No this isn't strong, this is weak, this is terrified to let people in because you're scared to get broken again, but darlin being broken isn't a bad thing, its human. I learned that letting people in isn't a bad thing its actually very healthy to share how you are feeling. Keeping it all bottled up won't help any one in the end.
Letting people not see the broken pieces because you are so scared that they will see all your pieces shattered on the floor and try to pick up some, get cut, and run in the opposite direction because its too hard to love a person who is broken. Darling let me paint a picture for you, imagine a mosaic, beautiful, colorful, bright, and dark all in one.
If you don't know what a mosaic is this is the definition "a picture or pattern produced by arranging together small colored pieces of hard material, such as stone, tile, or glass." When I think of mosaic I think of our lives, our hearts. Beautiful and breath taking. All the pieces come together to make something beautiful in the end it just takes a little bit of time to come together.
When we are little we think our daddy is the king and we are the little princesses waiting for one day prince charming, innocent little things no scratches yet to be found in our hearts, as we move through life those pieces to our hearts get a little beaten and brake off. Well as those pieces fall apart they become rough and rugged, but stronger.
Think of glass, if you brake a glass bottle its sharp ready to cut even the most delicate of things, but if that glass is thrown in with some sand it will soon be come smooth on the surface even though underneath that smooth exterior is strong and its no longer just glass it now has a completely new name sea glass and can withstand even the strongest of storms. Thats us, we all are those mosaics, and sea glass pieces just waiting to become stronger, waiting for the storms to strengthen us.
As I mentioned above my mom is the strongest person I know, what she doesn't know is during that time when I was going through some of the biggest storms of my life she sent me something while she was at work one day. It was a song "Burn Bright " by Natalie Grant.
So I started listening to it, the first lyric punched me in the gut because of how much truth was behind it. "Lately I don't recognize you..." I just started bailing my eyes out thinking she knows, she knows I'm not strong well if you keep listening the lyrics say
"You can rise up from the ashes
Make something beautiful
Of all the broken pieces..."
As I was listening to this song that was making me cry because of how real the message was and that my mom sent it to me right when I needed it the most. I realized no matter how broken I seem to be in that moment I won't be too broken to be loved by my family or by my God. I am never alone and most importantly I DO NOT HAVE TO BE "STRONG" ALL THE TIME.
So I ended up telling my mom everything that was going on in my life. I felt so relieved, when she told me she loved me and that no matter what that would never change.
Strength isn't based on what you can handle by yourself its what you've been through and can keep going even though you've had all these things happen and you don't give up. You can cry, break down, think you're alone, but I'm here to tell you you're not alone.
I know I will always have someone in my corner no matter how many times I think I've failed or feel alone. Whoever is reading this I hope you find out who you are and realize you deserve the world. I hope this blog helps someone realize how lucky they are and how many blessings they have. Take a look around, breathe and count your blessings. Be grateful for the broken pieces and appreciate it when that light shines through! Don't let anyone tell you, you're too broken to be loved because thats a lie and if you need proof just look at the mosaic its broken pieces, but beautiful all together!
Thanks for reading,
Love this broken, BE-YOU-tiful GoodGracious (mess)
( I also want to thank my mom for always being there and never giving up on me and showing me what it truly means to be a strong woman! I love you momma! )